Wedding Ceremony Ideas

For the Love of the Game

2011-05-21T17:14:00.000-07:00

I was recently asked to participate in an innovative wedding between a bride and her golf-loving husband. The wedding took place on a golf course, with numerous very humorous elements. Although I used only portions of this essay in the ceremony script, I enjoyed the opportunity to make the connections between a game we adore and a happy marriage. This usual ceremony language is a perfect example of how a skillful Celebrant can use any interest of a couple in their ceremony. Enjoy:

I, personally, have long been a fan of golf, not only as a complicated sport, but one that is filled with tradition, symbolism, pageantry and dignity. Golf is not a simple endeavor and most people who have played are struck with the ups and downs of their skill (and handicap). Golf, in general, doesn’t afford us the luxury of consistent improvement, rather—like life—unexpected challenges present themselves, perhaps when we least expect them. The typical golfer, who routinely keeps his ball in play in the fairway, may be surprised when he suddenly begins to develop a nasty slice. So too, a productive marriage that happily moves through time may, on occasion, come upon an unwelcome and inexplicable problem. To move through both sets of challenges, it takes time, patience, and a willingness to address the matter at hand, sooner rather than later. Like golf, when we stumble upon a vexing obstacle, in a good marriage we are afforded second chances—an emotional Mulligan, if you will. A kind, forgiving partner will routinely allow a gimme—assuming the best in his or her beloved.

Not only has golf been a game of gentlemen (and gentlewomen) over the years, even the casual weekend golfer is called upon to exhibit a level of respect and honesty. Whether on modest public links or a distinguished PGA course, innumerable situations arise that demand good judgment and a commitment to fair play. If a ball goes out of bounds, a true golfer will accept the outcome and uphold the commonly accepted rules of the game. In a good marriage, a well-intentioned husband or wife must always embrace fairness and own up to his or her part in whatever disagreement may arise. There’s no bending of the rules in a well-played golf game, and no emotional cheating in a mature marriage. An esteemable golfer will be considerate of others—making a tee time, for instance, or allowing other to play through when he is slow. He will leave a hole in the same fine condition he found it, fixing his divets along the way. To my mind such an orientation is akin to a kind husband or wife will be mindful of treating his partner with empathy and respect.

Golf, at its best, embodies humility and a willingness to learn and change. The prudent player will seek the advice of those with wisdom—whether it be a coach, club pro or Harvey Penick’s Little Red Book. And in marriage, the best lessons we often learn are from the loving marriages we saw as children. And, when something isn’t working, a serious golfer will honestly assess the situation. When reviewing video of a long held swing, he will be willing to try a different approach. Just because some grip or stance has been a lifelong habit, it just might not the best choice for a more productive outcome, anymore. In marriage, thoughtful husbands and wives will evaluate a marital impasse, and consider altering their style of communications and relating.

When I was coming up, we had an expression “Drive for show, and putt for dough.” A golfer at any level will enjoy enormous satisfaction from hitting that sweet spot on the club, yielding a long, straight drive and set up for the next shot. But it is with the finesse and prowess of his short game that he will save strokes and lower the all-important handicap. In marriage, as the writer Wilferd Arlan Peterson says, “The little things are the big things.” Grand romantic gestures have their place, but it is daily acts of kindness and generosity that are the foundation of a happy home.

While many consider this an individual sport, the opportunities for true partnership, shared values, and common objectives are innumerable. The interdependent relationship of a golfer and his caddy can be heartwarming. While one is in the lead, he willingly consults his partner and takes seriously advice that is offered. I suggest to you that the format of the scramble is one that is replicated time and again in marriage. The team prospers by capitalizing on the strengths of the individuals. Over time, reliance on those advantages goes back and forth—with one partner taking the lead, and then the other. But, always they are working in concert for the benefit of the couple and family.

A joy of golf is its reverence of history—all that has come before. Whether the fabled Green Jacket at Augusta or the homage we pay to Bobby Jones, it is important to recognize the sport in the trajectory of its rich history of centuries. And so, I invite you to prepare to exchange vows, promises offered by untold generations before you.

Surprise! It's a Wedding

2011-05-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, I had the unique opportunity to participate in a “surprise” wedding for a happy bride and groom in Manhattan. The couple invited their friends and family members to an “engagement party” at the fancy Tribeca Rooftop. After a bit of mingling and some cocktails, they were told that this was really a surprise wedding. As you can imagine, the guests were thrilled with cheers all around!
I’ve heard of a few of these ceremonies, including the recent nuptials of singer LeAnn Rimes and actor Eddie Cibrian; however, I’d never been involved in such a sneaky affair. It was wonderful!

In preparing the ceremony script and experiencing the happy occasion, I came away with several thoughts about why this was not only a fun idea, but a meaningful one, as well. Because the event was not surrounded by the typical anxieties associated with a standard wedding, guests were really “in the moment” as some would say. There were no worries about gift registries, seating arrangements, or the age old dilemma of “what to wear to a wedding,” so guests could just relish the excitement and cheer of the wedding. But, by offering this unexpected celebration, guests were—in my opinion—somehow more present for this all important rite-of-passage, carefully listening to words they were not expecting to hear on a late spring evening. The bride and groom had particular intentions for the night. The groom explained, “We want you all to enjoy the evening and know that experiencing the moment is more important than the details and planning.” The bride’s wish for the night? “Love, joy, celebration, fun, and laughter.”

Likewise, this event design underscores the value that two individuals place on their circle of loved ones. Couples who decide to get married on relatively short notice will often simply elope to an exotic location or marry at City Hall. However, reciting the all-important vows in front of a beloved community highlights the importance of family and friends. The bride and groom truly wished to share this occasion.

So on this Saturday evening, the bride was stunning and the groom beamed. It was a perfect way to spend the eve of Mother’s day. For, after I declared them man and wife, the bride followed up with another monumental announcement: the couple is expecting a baby in a few short months! It doesn’t get any better than that!

I'd like to thank Cheryl Fielding-LoPalo of Cheryl J. Weddings and Events for introducing me to our lovely couple.

The Princess in Us All

2011-04-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

After unparalleled fanfare, the much anticipated Royal Wedding has come and gone. As someone in the "wedding business,” I have been reflecting on what this celebration meant to the United Kingdom and what it says about weddings in American culture. Perhaps once this experience has marinated in my mind, I will have additional insights, but for now, here goes:

This wedding, like all weddings, can be a time to set aside the daily troubles of our individual lives and the chaos of the world to focus on some of the great gifts of life: the hope-filled love of a young couple on a new path to the future, as mutually supportive partners, perhaps joined by children some day. It is a new beginning, of sorts, and is treated with care and reverence not customary in daily life. For any couple, this is a most important moment that they publicly make commitments that they made to each other long before.

The wedding underscored the strength of this multi-generational family. Because of the high-profile lives of "the Royals," we sense that these individuals are known to us. With pictures of Royal weddings from Queen Victoria through Prince Charles and Lady Diana, we see the lineage of the Windsors. As I work with all of my couples I encourage them to consider their vows as a continuation of promises made by their ancestors many times before. While not all marriages survive the test of time, one can only imagine that each couple starts with a positive vision for their lives together. When brides and grooms are blessed with parents who have tended to healthy, joy-filled marriages, noting that in the ceremony is a small, but meaningful,way to honor their families. There is no greater instruction in the methods of building and sustaining a happy partnership than seeing it at home.

As Americans, steeped in a more egalitarian culture, we usually bristle at the notion of a divinely appointed monarchy. However, the majesty of the wedding must have moved even the most democratic among us. I must admit to being a bit of an Anglophile--one who reminisces fondly about the British Empire (focusing on the grandeur rather than the atrocities of colonialism). So the wedding is a romantic vision of a times gone by. Weddings of any size or sort offer a special occasion to draw upon traditions and customs associated with our motherlands (or in some cases fatherlands), regardless of how long we have been in America. Whether it is an American bride of Australian ancestry carrying a lucky horse shoe in her bouquet or a first-generation bride from the Philippines incorporating a lasso as a unity ritual, these acts of ethnic pride can resonate with guests. The customs may go virtually unnoticed by guests or may be highlighted in the ceremony script or wedding program. But, I have found that discussions of genealogical roots is a perfect moment for brides and grooms to have meaningful conversations with parents and relatives about their common ancestry.

A wedding can most certainly include a time to honor those who have passed. The Royal wedding commenced with a tribute to the the beloved Princess Diana, which included the singing of a hymn that was part of her funeral ceremony, more than a dozen years ago. Likewise, Kate has proudly worn Diana's engagement ring. On a more public note, now Princess Catherine placed a bridal bouquet on the tomb of Unknown Soldier as they recessed. Such gestures make known that while some are gone, they are not forgotten. We carry their memory with us, and this potent rite of passage is somehow tinged with bittersweet reminders of their absence. I notice that more and more couples integrate such remembrances into ceremony words, sometimes incorporating rituals to draw more attention to the loved ones who have passed. Counterintuitively, this choice heightens the humanity of the ceremony, rather than dampening spirits, as some might think.

The Royal Wedding was filled with beautiful music from the heralding trumpets to grand organ hymns. I try to remind couples that the processional and recessional music are a real opportunity to express themselves. I continue to be surprised to find that even among some of the most elaborate NYC weddings, the ceremony music is given little consideration. There is a standard repertoire of accepted music for weddings, and couples lack the time, energy, or desire to investigate alternative accompaniment. With the assistance of people who know more about music than I do, I am seeking to integrate music consultation into my service portfolio. Just last week, serving a destination couple from Brisbane, I decided to forego music played with my IPod and portable speaker, as we had discussed. As we held the ceremony in Central Park, I “hired” a street musician—an older saxophonist from Russia—to play music before and after the ceremony, as well as the requisite processional and recessional standards. It was a great, light-hearted touch. He played jazz standards and the most traditional processional and recessional tunes.

There is no disputing that this Royal Wedding was a feast for the eyes. Whether a wedding is a grand production or a small event, limitless ideas exist to make each and every aspect of the celebration shine. A million and one websites and books are easily available to offer up a cornucopia of suggestions for the DIY bride. Simple design programs allow the creative bride and groom to make invitations and save-the-date cards that look—but are not—supremely expensive. The crafting superstores such as Michael's (or Hobby Lobby, popular in Oklahoma, where I am from) are filled with rows and rows of baskets, flowers, ribbons and more to decorate the event in elegant style. Websites, television shows and style mavens such as Martha Stewart provide in-home tutoring that didn’t exist a few decades ago. One need only loiter around their local Barnes & Noble bookstore for a few hours to take home some ideas that speak to their style. In some ways, I believe that a couple on a budget is “forced” to identify interesting design elements that can be more unique than standard issue options of wedding coordinators and venues. Weddings are not just about tasty food, copious alcohol and danceable music, but they should serve up visual stimulation that we don’t find in our daily routines.

To use a favorite British expression, the Royal wedding helped the English to “mind the gap.” The fact that Kate is a “commoner” was ballyhooed in the lead up to the Royal wedding. Indeed, this matrimonial pairing heralds a new era of spousal choice by the monarchs in Great Britain. It is a far cry from the earlier fixation on finding a suitable titled member of the aristocracy (ideally a virgin). As with “regular” couples in America, William and Kate were, by all accounts, guided by their hearts. Just as the union of the Prince and new Princess bridged these two parts of Britain’s relatively stratified social hierarchy, so, too, in America, marriages facilitate the joining of individuals from two (or more) faith or ethnic traditions.

Finally, in listening to the television commentary about this morning’s wedding there was a sense that this wedding met the lofty pageantry standards of the monarchy, but it did so with the couple making many choices based on how they envisioned the day, from the decision to have an adult sibling as part of Kate’s bridal party to the publicized “after party” hosted by the rambunctious Prince Harry. Moreover, even though the service followed High Anglican requirements, there were moments of intimacy and authentic joy, visible to all. In a touching moment, the Archbishop of Canterbury read a prayer crafted by the couple. This emphasis on integrating the story, customs, and ideas of each bride and groom into a fairly standard wedding framework is at the heart of what I do as a Celebrant. For, at the end of the day, there are no flowers beautiful enough….no food delicious enough….and no wedding dress stunning enough to overshadow the pure emotion of a unique ceremony that belongs to this couple and this couple, alone.

I know we all wish this Royal Couple well, as somehow we pin our own hopes and fantasies on this union to provide us with a greatly desired “happily ever after.” But even in this day, there are reminders of how we celebrate weddings, and how we might celebrate weddings, that can inform us all.

Wedding? There's an App for That!

2011-03-12T19:14:00.000-08:00

In this day and age, you can do almost anything with the help of your trusty iPhone, iPod, or iPad. Why should planning a wedding be the exception? Fortunately, there are plenty of apps to help you make sure that your special day is everything you want it to be.

When you’re looking to get organized, find local vendors, or get wedding day inspiration, you can turn to your iPhone to find the help that you need. High-profile names in the wedding industry such as wedding planner Mindy Weiss and bridal media such as “The Knot” and “Brides” have developed apps to offer their expertise to tech-savvy brides.

“Plan Your Wedding with Mindy Weiss” is the signature wedding application from celebrity wedding planner, Mindy Weiss. At 9.99, the app is on the expensive side as far as digital planning tools go. However, its vast array of features may be worth the price for you. Like many other wedding apps, this app allows you to search a database of wedding gowns and manage vendors. However, in addition to these standard features, “Plan Your Wedding” provides you with video advice from Mindy herself as well as a “dreamboard” where you can save wedding inspiration photos, a budget management tool, and a section for keeping track of your gift registries, guest lists, and thank you notes.

Wedding mega-resource, “The Knot,” offers a number of free application options to help you with your wedding planning. For iPhone users, “Wedding Dress Lookbook” allows you to search for the perfect gown by inputting your height, body type, personality, and wedding style in addition to other search terms. “The Knot” also offers “Wedding 911,” an app in which brides submit their questions about etiquette, receptions, ceremonies, saving money, and other wedding day details. For iPad users, “The Knot” offers a great digital edition of its magazine at $4.99 an issue, complete with a spot for saving inspiration and plenty of videos to help you create D-I-Y invites and favors.

Another free app option is “BRIDES Wedding Genius,” straight from the pros at Condé Nast’s “Brides” magazine. This app allows you to explore a huge database of wedding dresses, his and hers jewelry, and travel destinations for your dream honeymoon. For a few dollars, you can upgrade this application to the “BRIDES Digital Wedding Binder,” which allows you access to expert advice, inspiration folders, and a spot to manage your wedding to-do list.

This article was written by FIT Student Corine Brosseau

Garden of Wedding Ideas

2011-01-20T19:47:00.001-08:00

A Garden of Wedding Ideas | Suggestions for Your Unique Wedding Ceremony by Sarah Ritchie, Wedding Officiant and Celebrant | Make Your Own Book

My Brag Mag: A Fun Wedding Idea by Recent Bride Jennifer Aertker Deyo

2011-01-12T08:48:00.000-08:00

Looking for a unique, fun, and memorable gifts to commemorate your big day? My Brag Mag is the perfect favor that everyone will love. My Brag Mag takes your romantic story and converts it into a commemorative magazine, inspired by popular publications including People Magazine and Us Weekly. The creation of New Jersey’s Jennifer Aertker Deyo, she explains, “It was about six months before my wedding when My Brag Mag was unofficially created. With so much excitement during the wedding planning, there were so many funny and memorable moments that I wanted to hold onto forever. So, with a commitment to commemorate this time of my life, I began writing the very first My Brag Mag. ”

Here’s how it works: My Brag Mag creates magazines of 8 or more pages with any content you choose: stories about how you met; the proposal of marriage; marriage advice from loved ones; or funny stories from friends. The possibilities are endless! Not creative? Not to worry. The folks at My Brag Mag have got you covered, developing article ideas and content. The adorable keepsake is perfect for hotel welcome bags, pre-wedding parties, or even at the wedding.

Deyo adds, “My Brag Mag is a hit with brides! I have seen them given as surprise shower gifts. The bride always orders more afterwards, because they are so much fun at the shower! It's really something that includes everyone, too. It's not just about the couple; it really brings everyone into the celebration.”

Topping it Off!

2010-11-21T05:31:00.000-08:00

Now that we have a royal engagement, hats may (I hope) come back into fashion. I have often wondered why British women love hats, and we women in America have shunned them for decades. Recently I have come across a new take on an old theme among the Brits--fascinators! I see them at weddings, worn by mothers-of-the-brides as well as chic women in their 20's. These are something of a cross between a

traditional hat and a headband (think Hillary Clinton in the early 90s). They have the decorations (feathers, flowers and what not) without the body of the "hat" of the large brim. It is a clever device, and I am sure they are much less expensive than their full bodied cousins. I suppose another benefit is that the ladies do not suffer from "hat head." I do hope that other brides and guests, from beyond the "British Empire," will consider these outstanding accessories! As one who would love to see hats come back into favor, I can only quote the Brits: Brilliant! p.s. The slideshow includes some favorite fascinators from "my" weddings.

A Life in Pictures

2010-10-26T19:14:00.000-07:00

The wedding venue options in New York are limitless. Gems all about the city reflect any style on can imagine. Some couples are drawn to loft spaces, which serve as blank canvasses on which they can paint their own perfect wedding setting. While many brides and grooms prefer to maintain the sleek, airy feel of a Manhattan loft, I have recently worked with two creative couples who capitalized on the blank space.

About two weeks ago, I officiated a wedding of a literary, artistic couple at Astor Center in the Village—NoHo, to be exact. The couple had a love story befitting a romantic comedy—years of “near misses” until their eventual meeting. The bride, a combination of a classic beauty and the “girl next door” worked in the world or art, while her partner, a dashing bookish fellow, worked in the publishing field. The lower level of this venue is a vast wine and spirits store. The upper levels of the Center have been fashioned into meeting areas to host wildly varying discussions, seminars and events. It was in one of these open areas where the sweet ceremony took place. After exchanging deeply personal vows, the bride turned to introduce a “special surprise” she planned for her groom—an edited clip from the Disney Pixar film “Up.” After her cue, a screen fell and good friend managed the audio/visual equipment and the heartwarming clip started! For those who don’t know this film it quite a powerful love story of Ellie and Carl’s life together, and Carl’s resumption of a dream after Ellie’s passing. As the lights turned up after the showing, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house! This short ceremony interlude thrilled the groom, surprised the guests, and allowed this unique couple to put their very own thumbprint on the exchange of vows.

Just a couple of weeks later, I was greeted by another super couple—a willowy American bride and her handsome British groom. The couple had, literally, an epic love story. After meeting in Europe and falling in love, they proceeded to launch a year long journey around the world—Central and South America, Asia, Europe, returning to America and a proposal of marriage.

The exquisitely creative couple used the lovely “91 Event Space” in the Meat Packing District as the stage on which their story was told. The intimate ceremony took place with an image of the Maldives,

one of the couple’s favorite places on earth, and an a room with the feel of the beach. In the reception
area, a subtle slide show presented stunning photos from their months of travel.
I commend these wonderful couples for using stark blank walls to make their stories sing!

Sowing the Seeds of Love

2010-09-08T13:54:00.000-07:00

For those looking for an innovative unity ritual, particularly for an outdoor wedding, a “planting” might be an nifty choice. Ceremonial plantings are associated with many life events and transitions including graduations, marriages, home blessings, and remembrances. While most couples wouldn’t be keen on shoveling a lot of dirt around during the wedding, a few symbolic scoops of soil around a beautiful flower, plant or sapling is a potent expression of the marriage as a living entity—a reminder of the life that will spring from this day forward. Likewise, the action is an expression of the couple working together as partners. (This reminds me, a bit, of an unconventional custom in some traditional German weddings. After the ceremony, the couple will saw a log together, showing their desire to work as husband and wife!) A planting not only creates an unusual visual component of the wedding, but lends itself to the inclusion of exceptional prose and poetry.

The choices for the living plant are limitless. A favorite idea of mine is the Buddleia, sometimes called a “Butterfly Bush.” The plant draws innumerable varieties of butterflies, anywhere it is planted it seems. And butterflies could not be richer in their symbolism of hope and transformation. Likewise, nearly every common tree is connected with some particular meaning: be it the oak’s reference to strength and courage to the protection of the cedar tree. On a smaller scale, a planting might utilize a hearty herb, such as rosemary, which has been used in weddings for centuries, as it is a sign of fidelity.

After the ceremony, the plant or new tree may be taken to the home of the bride and groom, as a touching reminder of the wedding day. Or perhaps the seedling(s) could be gifted to parents or other loved ones. It might also be possible to donate a new tree to a park or other special place.

At the end of the day, this may be a comforting, beautiful ritual….one that can actually be accomplished without really getting one’s hands dirty!

Religious Rituals for a Non-Religious Bride & Groom

2010-08-22T10:49:00.003-07:00

As a Celebrant, I work with couples who hold many viewpoints on religion and spirituality. In explaining my work with new clients, I mention that to my way of thinking, Celebrants provide (to use a “political” term heard a few years ago) a “third way” in developing important life ceremonies and rites of passages. We work with people who may not be able to (or may not wish to) hold these important events in houses or worship, but they prefer to have a celebration that is not satisfied by a purely administrative ceremony, such as a justice of the peace. We represent everyone else--which, these days, is a vast proportion of the population. My couples come in all philosophical shapes and sizes...those who are of an interfaith perspective, some identify as “spiritual but not religious” or secular humanists, and many are nominally connected to the faith of their families of origin but do not practice.

Many couples will come to me with an awkwardness about how to “handle” religious traditions and faith matters in a respectful way, to honor their parents, all the while realizing that at least at this point in their lives they do not practice. I firmly believe that as Celebrants we are uniquely qualified to guide these delicate matters with sensitivity. I attempt to reassure couples that there are elegant options that we can show respect and honor to the faith tradition(s) of their families while not calling upon the Bride and Groom to feel inauthentic about the words and rituals of the ceremony.

First, there are often ways to couch rituals in terms of cultural connections as opposed to highly religious language. This is particularly effective with respect to Jewish customs like standing below a chuppah during the ceremony or the breaking at the glass at the end of the service. Many American Jews hold closely to the cultural and historical connections of their Judaism, with being observant (or perhaps nominally observant on High Holidays). As such, the descriptions of these rituals can reflect this orientation. Likewise, there are ways to draw parallels between certain religious ceremonies within a wedding and a more secularized approach to the concept. For example, a Jewish couple will include the signing of a Ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract, as part of a religious service, but a ceremonial signing of the marriage license can certainly resemble this kind of ritual. The familiar Christian unity candle can be referenced by leaning on the universal symbolism of light as a sign of goodness—and Godliness. I have been delighted how a number of my clever couples have used their wedding programs, which are often a rudimentary listing of the bridal party and order of the ceremony, to provide creative explanations of rituals or objects we are including in the wedding. I think this is particularly helpful for those who may be unfamiliar with a faith tradition.

Another beautiful way to negotiate this potentially ticklish situation is to involve an honored guest who is practicing the faith to lead that portion of the ceremony. It will most certainly provide a great deal of satisfaction on their part, without the bride or groom feeling as if they are overly stating their current commitments. In a recent ceremony joining a non-practicing Jewish groom and his non-practicing Protestant bride, the groom asked his beloved Grandfather, who observed, to read the traditional 7 Jewish blessings at the end of the ceremony. The Grandfather (who is now among my all-time favorite wedding guests) read the tradition blessings in Hebrew, followed by a modernized version blessings in English. What could be more inclusive than this?

At the end of the day, the goal of any wedding is to underscore the values and ideals that are shared between the couple and among the guests—but there are so many ways to do that with creativity, style, respect, and flourish, honoring the past and recognizing that the couple, as a new family, will have ideas and customs all their own.

The Significance of Place

2010-08-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

There are so many factors influencing a couple when they select a wedding venue….the basics like time, location, price and “that knowing” that this is place to celebrate a once in a lifetime moment. While the place of the ceremony is obviously not a key element of the marriage ceremony, I do think there are interesting, small ways to include a few words about the significance and symbolism of the location as one of many themes in a rich script.
Consider a few examples from recent ceremonies:

The Brooklyn Bridge: Since its creation, the Brooklyn Bridge has been a proud symbol of American creativity, commitment, hard work, and the promise of the possibilities of the United States. It is a powerful symbol for more young couples that you might imagine. Likewise, among those who study ritual, the bridge is a potent reminder of transitioning from one stage of life to another—from being two single people to a married couple. Last November I married two young Russian immigrants, the Bridge was an important reminder of all they had been through to come to the U.S. and all that was to come. During their ceremony, the groom started on the Manhattan side, with the bride opposite on the Brooklyn side. It was easy to pick up on both of these points. Wording I used included the following:

“There are few vistas that are more intimately connected with all of the wonder and hope and grandeur that is New York. This bridge embodies the possibility of human ingenuity, artistic vision, cooperation, and dedication—all elements of successful lives and marriages. Moreover, the bridge is a palpable reminder of connections and transitions, between your lives, your original homeland, your families, and your future. This day and place is a threshold whereby you are passing from two individuals who are deeply in love to become a married couple and a new family.”

Wainwright House: At first glance, the Wainwright House is “just another” stunning venue in Westchester county, situated on the water, with a beautiful main venue for dinners and receptions and a sprawling lawn, perfect for an outdoor summer ceremony. But after a little investigation, the Wainwright house is a very special place described by the original donor of the house Fonrose Wainwright Condict, “This is a sacred house. Because it is sacred, it should be consecrated to the development of human potential, in healing and growing forms, to serve in the advancement of humankind through spiritual, philosophical and ecological paths.” Contemporary programs include seminars on the healing arts, meditation, yoga instruction, programs in contemplative medicine, and the creative arts, among others. Where else would you find a meditation room at a beautiful space holding weddings!? As part of the introductory remarks of the wedding, I included a few words about the intentions of the couple and the principles and goals they valued as individuals and a couple. I believe that holding a ceremony in a place with this purpose sets an unusually purposeful setting for life-changing vows.

Cop Cot Gazebo: This little spot, on the south side of Central Park, is a favorite spot for small weddings. Cop Cot is a Scottish name, translated means “little house on the crest of the hill.” The little Gazebo, which is an open air, large rustic word structure, is a recent replica of the original structure build in the ante-bellum era. In the summer, the black locust trees all about will bloom and fill the air. For those of Jewish ancestry, the Gazebo will be akin to a Chuppah. Otherwise, I often connect the structure to the home that the bride and groom are making as a new family.

Mazel Tov!

2010-07-25T14:15:00.000-07:00

When many people think of the “end” of the wedding ceremony, their mind wanders to The Kiss! Or perhaps the introduction of the couple—“Husbnad and Wife,” or “Partners for Life,” or “Mr. & Mrs.” But, there are many interesting customs that can be a charming codas for the end of the ceremony. Below you will find just a few from recent weddings:

Breaking of the Glass: Among those of Jewish faith and ancestry, stomping a glass is a joyous moment at the end of the wedding. A wine glass is typically wrapped in a cloth napkin. Placed under the foot of the groom, he heartily stomps and shatters it to the cheers of the guests. In unison, guests wish the couple a “Mazel Tov,” which translated….or Congratulations. There are numerous interpretations of this ritual: the breaking of glass signifies that the world is not whole, connoting the destruction of Jerusalem and the historical struggles of the Jewish people. This tradition acknowledges that great joy may be tinged with sorrow and may also be connected with those individuals that the bride and groom have lost. On a lighter note, many contemporary brides and grooms focus on the break of the glass as a custom of good luck. In fact, some Jewish bookstores and gift shops offer handcrafted colored glasses that are used for the breaking. These pieces of glass can be fashioned into artwork, after the wedding for display in the couple’s home.

Blowing Bubbles: As the tradition of throwing rice, a custom associated with fertility, has fallen out of favor due to ecological reasons, many couples distribute pre-packaged bubbles to blow during the recession of the wedding party. Under the sunny skies or a summer wedding or perhaps at an outside or beach wedding, the bubbles make a terrific photo opportunity.

Wedding Bells and Wedding Belles: I recently worked with a couple who were partial to a ceremony and vows informed by the Buddhist faith. In reading about these traditions, I was reminded of the practice of ringing chimes or bells to denote sacred times and places (such as before the practice of meditation). With small hand held bells available at party shops or other gift shops, this tradition could be a wonderful and unusual way to end the ceremony.

Crackers: About a month ago, I married a couple of Chinese ancestry, originally from Hong Kong. Due to the English influence in Hong Kong, the couple distributed crackers to the guests. As the wedding party recessed, the guests popped the crackers (loudly!) and confetti exploded to shower the couple and their attendants. I had been familiar with crackers, distributed to children at Christmas time, but had not seen them used at weddings!

Sparklers: In most places on the east coast, individuals are prohibited from purchasing and igniting fireworks….but that isn’t the case everywhere in America! In my home in Oklahoma, for example, roadside stands sell fireworks of unimaginable variety. The simple sparkler set off during a night time wedding (like the one shown here) is a phenomenal view.

Rose Petals: For a more subdued wedding, rose petals can be distributed to guests which will be showered on the lucky couple as the leave the venue of the ceremony or, perhaps, leave the reception location for the honeymoon. The showering of rose petals is common in Indian and Irish weddings. (The Irish custom of showering the bride and groom during their first dance can easily be modified to throw rose petals after the final blessing or words of the ceremony.) The inclusion of rose petals offers the chance to create special hand-held vases (such as the “tussy mussy”) as keepsakes from the ceremony.

Showering with Food: Food sharing rituals during the ceremony (along with sharing wine) are common in many cultures, but these traditions are incorporated as final parts of the event. For instance, at Portuguese weddings, guests throw bon-bons over the bride and groom! Greeks sometimes shower the couple with sugared almonds.

In the end, creative language can present and opportunity to create interesting customs and rituals throughout the ceremony—including the last moments.

Shed a Little Light

2010-07-12T16:47:00.000-07:00

The lighting of the unity candle has long been a favorite ritual for weddings. Although often associated with Christian ceremonies, the use of candles and light are connected to many traditions. The beauty and significance of light, as a symbol of the divine, hope, and the beauty and power shared connection, is a lovely addition to any ceremony. One of the terrific aspects of this ritual is how it can be fashioned to serve the purposes of the honored couple.

In some cases, a candle-lighting will be integrated into the ceremony as a way to remember loved ones who have passed. I often suggest that this sort of ritual be placed at the beginning of the service, following welcoming remarks and notes of thanks to family members and loved ones of the couple.

A more familiar use of the candle lighting is as a representation of the coming together of two families. In many cases, the unity candle ceremony is performed by mothers of the bride and groom—a recognition of their pivotal role in bringing life and wisdom to the couple. Following the mother’s lighting of candles, the couple may then follow with their own igniting of a single candle, symbolizing their union as a new family. The single candle also may show the connectedness of the partners, as well as their role in supporting the energy, the inner light, of their beloved. The unity candle may similarly be utilized to remind the guests of the joy and connection of a newly blended family, perhaps with children of the bride and groom. Although a simple ritual, the lighting of the candle is a very special role for any wedding guest.

I am particularly fond of something I think of as a “reverse” unity candle ceremony. This element can be choreographed along these lines: a bride and groom may begin with a single flame, connoting the connection of all to a universal spirit and goodness. From this central illumination, the bride and groom draw their own life. This light is then passed from the bride and groom to wedding attendants and eventually all wedding guests. As light is shared among all guests, the end result is a community wide holding of the light. Especially for an evening wedding, the dim light of candles can have a stunning impact.

The unity candle lighting can serve as a very nice opportunity for a special musical interlude also. In a ceremony with which I am familiar, the community candle lighting was accompanied by the popular song, written and performed by James Taylor. Some years ago, Taylor wrote a beautiful song, “Shed a Little Light,” in remembrance of the great Dr. Martin Luther King. The emotional lyrics call on us all to draw from our well-spring of humanity to advance the greater good. To my way of thinking, there is nothing more potent that using an couple’s celebration of love to remind all guests of the potential of shared love to do good in the world.

Variety is the Spice of Life

2010-06-22T17:58:00.000-07:00

For many contemporary brides and grooms, one of the key aspects of the reception party is lots of food and drink. Indeed, a favorite photo op of the wedding is the bride and groom sharing a champagne toast and bite of cake. But many cultures actually have a food sharing element in the wedding. The sharing of wine in the ceremony is familiar to a number of faith and cultures, but consider food sharing rituals from other traditions. Consider a few options. Here are just a few examples:

Greek: Often a Greek-inspired wedding may end with the bride and groom sharing honey and walnuts, representing sweetness and fertility. Sometimes the walnut is broken into four parts representing the bride, groom, and their respective families.

Indonesian: From those of this tradition, the couple shares rice seasoned with the spice turmeric, with rice expressing prosperity and fertility and the turmeric representing everlasting love.

Moroccan: At the end of the ceremony the guests shower the couple with figs, dates, and raisin, as signs of fertility.

Scottish: At the end of the ceremony, Scottish couples drink from the Quaich, usually a cup that is a family heirloom. The container represents the couples families, ancestors and bloodline.

Africa: Some parts of Africa have a “partaking of spices” in their ceremony. Four small bows are filled with the elements of life: lemon juice for sorrow, vinegar for bitterness, cayenne papper for passion, and honey for sweetness.

Peace be with you

2010-06-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

As a child growing up in Oklahoma, I attended a traditional Presbyterian Church. During the “casual” Sunday service, one of the most intimate moments was the “Passing of the Peace.” In a service filled with folk and popular music, the participation of children, and other contemporary elements, this ritual provided an immediate connection among congregants. Each individual turned to those around him or her and clasped hands repeating the simple words, “Peace be with you,” to which the other person responded, “And also with you.” For those who knew each other, the greetings might be longer and more personal, or accompanied by a hug, but it was a heart-warming experience for all. In reading Daphne Rose Kingma’s helpful book Weddings from the Heart, I noticed that she suggested the same ritual during a wedding ceremony. I think it is a lovely idea, whether coming from a place of religious faith or secular community building. Consider including this simple, but powerful, gesture as a way to connect your wedding guests.

Pearls of Wisdom

2010-06-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

One of the pleasures of working in New York is the opportunity to connect with couples from many cultures. There are many ways to incorporate different cultures in the ceremony, from including multi-lingual vow exchanges to including readings from authors from a bride or groom’s motherland. But, for a subtle nod to another homeland, consider including a short proverb or saying from that region. These sayings are available in many books and on many websites. The following is a sampling of expressions included in A World of Ways to say "I Do" by Noah Benshea and his daughter Jordan Benshea:

“It is easy to reconcile when there is love.”

                                             WELSH PROVERB

“An old love does not rust.”"
                                             RUSSIAN PROVERB

“Early marriage, long love.”

                                            GERMAN PROVERB

“Whom we love best, to them we can often say little.”

                                            ENGLISH PROVERB

“Love is shown by deeds, not by words.”

                                            PHILIPPINE PROVERB

“Love levels all inequalities.”

                                            ITALIAN PROVERB

“Love is not an Impartial Judge.”

                                            IRISH PROVERB

Communal Blessing of the Rings

2010-06-20T10:55:00.000-07:00

I am often approached by couple’s planning a small private ceremony with, perhaps , 20 or so guests. Given that it is such an intimate gathering, the bride and groom are looking for ways to draw the guests into the ceremony. One nice idea I like to mention is a “Blessing” (or passing) of the rings. The ritual is simple, but powerful. We place the wedding bands in a lovely box or decorative pouch (likewise, rings could be tied together with a beautiful ribbon) to be handed from guest to guest, before the ceremony begins , maybe during a period of music and reflection. Each guest holds the rings, and silently offers a prayer or wish for the couple. Each honored guest as “warmed” the ring before it is exchanged during the ceremony.

It's a Date

2010-06-09T11:15:00.000-07:00

One of the questions I ask couples, as we are preparing their ceremony script, is if there is any significance to the date of the wedding. In the modern world, the wedding dates are often driven by the availability of popular venues, work commitments or the schedules of far-flung friends and relatives, but there are sometimes sweet, sentimental reasons why couples select particular wedding dates. Holidays such as Valentine’s Day, Christmas Eve, or New Year’s Eve are popular times to marry. Likewise, special “number” days including 09-09-09 or 10-10-10 are highly prized because of their perceived association with good luck. But the mention of personal connections to a wedding date adds another subtle, customized moment in the wedding ceremony. For instance, I married an American bride and her Irish husband on St. Patrick’s day, which was not only a great day of American-Irish pride, but the birth date of the groom’s beloved grandfather. A couple that I will marry this weekend pay special attention to the date (June 12) that they first met. This is the date that the groom made a proposal of marriage and the date of their wedding at the Belvedere Castle in Central Park. I am marrying a Turkish couple who have situated their wedding day immediately after the bride’s birthday and the wedding anniversary of the groom’s parents. I mention this in the ceremony and make note that for this couple, the wedding celebration will last for days, given its proximity to these other special family holidays. The extended wedding celebration is a familiar tradition for Turkish couples! So remember, if there is something memorable about the date of your wedding, don’t forget to mention that to your wedding officiant.

Traditions from Around the Globe

2010-05-30T21:25:00.000-07:00

Here in New York, many couples are first or second generation Americans. I often encourage such brides and grooms to revisit the customs of their ancestors, to learn about innovative rituals for their wedding ceremony. The standard practices in other countries can be replicated in American weddings, but may modified as well.

I recently provided some ceremony alternatives to a bride, who wished to honor her family's Italian ancestry, without relying on Catholic rituals. Consider the following:

In Italy, little bags of almonds, known as confetti, are given to the guests after the wedding as keepsakes. The almonds, representing the sweet & bitter nature of life, should come in bags of 5 or 7 almonds, which are supposed to bring good luck. Likewise, some brides and grooms in Southern Italy break a glass at the end of the wedding day. Common wisdom says that the number of pieces that the glass shatters into represents the number of years that the couple will be happily married. The Tarantella—a stately and elegant courtship dance is commonly performed by the Bride and Groom at the reception. Also, countless Italian produced items are perfect wedding favors. Why not open a conversation with friends and relatives from other countries to learn about ceremonials flourishes from other cultures? It may be a bridge to truly connecting to another place and time.

A Written Remembrance of Vows

2010-05-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

A traditional component of the Jewish wedding is the signing of the Ketubah, the religious document outlining the financial and legal promises associated with the new marriage contract. While this ritual is reserved for religious ceremonies,many couples are interested in performing a variation of this idea in a more secular service. The ceremonial document signing is a choice of couples from many backgrounds and is particularly popular among individuals of Latin ancestry. This ceremonial flourish generally follows the exchange of vows and rings and can provide a nice opportunity for a brief musical interlude. The signing does not use the actual marriage license, but is a commemorative, often ornate, document that will serve as a sweet keepsake of the day. The representation of signing of the marriage contract is a simple, but potent expressions of the promises just made, adding an interesting recognition of the gravity of the wedding vows.

A Pocket full of Posies

2010-05-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

In a delight retro-inspired book I Do! I Do!, Susan Waggoner delightfully provides descriptions of the historical evolution of the traditions of classic Western weddings. Waggoner explains that during the nineteenth century, flowers replaced grasses and herbs carried by brides in the Elizabethan era. The Victorians, who loved plants of all types, used ferns and violets and even indoor trees to decorate the wedding space. They also developed the sprays of flowers that flank the brides and grooms, even today. In contemporary American ceremonies, flowers are used throughout the wedding and reception locations—from rose petals thrown on the aisle as the bride approaches her groom to lavish centerpieces at the reception.

An often overlooked part of this decorative element of the wedding is the wonderful meanings attached to some of our favorite nuptial flowers. These symbolic connections can be gently woven through a bit of the ceremony language, providing another opportunity to subtly personalize the wedding day. Consider some of the “meanings” of just a few popular flowers: daffodil….devotion; lavender….luck; dark pink rose….gratitude; bluebell…..gratitude; orchid….rare beauty; lily….majesty; violet….simplicity; light pink rose….grace; iris….warmth of affection.

Some brides choose favorite flowers or those connected to their birth month.
Likewise, many cultures prize certain flowers during wedding celebrations. For example, the Japanese carry white and purple orchids, jasmine, lotus blossoms, and cherry blossoms. Greek brides carry ivy as a sign of eternal love. Czech brides use rosemary, symbolizing fertility and loyalty, in their bouquets. So as your officiant prepares your wedding ceremony, don’t forget to reflect on your flowers as a symbol of your love.

Weddings as Works of Art

2010-05-09T05:26:00.001-07:00

An artist friend recently pointed me in the direction of a spectacular idea for capturing the beauty of a wedding celebration—a live portrait painting during the event. No doubt, gifted photographers work tirelessly to come up with innovative and beautiful shots of all aspects of the wedding, but a painting of the wedding serves as a stunning and timeless reminder of the day. My friend Katherine took her artistic skills up the Hudson to develop a once-in-a-lifetime painting of a friend’s wedding. Katherine set up her equipment well in advance of the actual event. She began painting as the preparations were in full swing, beginning the artistic process that would continue through the day. Finishing the work after the wedding was over, she presented the couple with an extraordinary rendering of their festivities, forever reminding them of the day and spectacular venue. Since speaking with Katherine, I have learned that there are artists who make live portraiture a part of their professional services, creating works around weddings, parties, galas, and other events. While many couples can’t afford a professional artist, there are countless art students who would relish the opportunity to be involved with such a unique commission. This would be an unforgettable gift for any happy couple.

Jumping the Broom

2010-05-08T18:08:00.000-07:00

Some couples of African ancestry have resurrected the wedding tradition known as "Jumping the Broom." The ritual, placed at the end of the ceremony, is tied to the antebellum period in American history. Because slaves were denied the dignity of having conventional union ceremonies, they adapted customs from their homelands. Wooden sticks, placed on the ground, symbolize the new home of the couple. The leap over the handle represents their faith in leaping into the next phase of life--a committed union together. Likewise, the broom will "sweep clear" the path that lies ahead. To make this ceremonial element even more meaningful, consider choosing large branches from the family homes of the bride and groom for the culmination of a perfect ceremony.

Gone but not Forgotten

2010-05-03T14:39:00.000-07:00

It seems that more and more brides and grooms are interested in paying tribute to relatives who are unable to attend the wedding or have passed on. Obviously during a day of celebration, there is a delicate balance to this part of the ceremony. These thoughtful couples have found many ways to recognize people who have been important in their lives--one of my favorites is the butterfly release. During an outdoor ceremony, the butterfly release can be a spectacular and breathtaking moment, rich in symbolism. Butterflies are such a lovely representation of transformation--for both the bride and groom and their partnership. From a simple beginning, as a larva and then a chrysalis,the butterfly evolves into a stunning creature. Moreover, the word “chrysalis,” the interim step in development, is derived from the Greek word “Chrysos,” which means “gold,” that rare and precious substance so often associated with love, weddings, and prized possessions. Another moving connection to the butterfly can be found in folk traditions of the First Peoples (Native Americas) on our continent. According to the Apache tribe, among others, when a wish is whispered to a butterfly and it is released--the wish is taken to Heaven. As the butterflies depart the ceremony, guests are invited to recall fond memories of the friend or relative who has passed. A touching ritual that adds beauty and meaning to the wedding ceremony.

Dressed to the Nines

2010-05-02T20:04:00.001-07:00

Weddings are a great opportunity to reflect one’s personal style in dress. While many brides and grooms choose traditional western apparel, many do not. For some time, brides and grooms have selected innovative designs and colors for the “second time around.” Likewise, some locations—the beach, for instance—serve as a perfect backdrop for casual wedding garments. But wedding fashions are limited only by a couple’s imagination. Several of my brides have designed and created their own wedding gowns. And for themed weddings (Halloween celebrations, Medieval-inspired weddings, or other affairs), costumes for the couple, guests, and even the officiant are standard fare. Likewise, contemporary weddings, especially in a place like New York, offer couples the rare chance to proudly display garments of their heritage. Scottish grooms, for instance, wear kilts with their clan's particular tartan and adornments. Chinese-American brides may wear a traditional western-styled white dress for the ceremony, changing into a traditional red dress for the reception. Indian bride's highly adorned attire includes gold and silver embroidery, on deep jewel-toned fabric. Sometimes couples choose more subtle additions such as the Swedish bride's jeweled crown. So let your wedding be a blank palate to let your own fashion sense come shining through.

The Language of Love

2010-05-02T20:01:00.001-07:00

Many couples that I work with in New York come from families whose mother tongue is not English. In most cases, family members are bi-lingual. However, from time-to-time, relatives speak no English at all. Out of respect for the unique cultural backgrounds, couples may choose to have parts of the wedding spoken in more than one language. For example, couples may decide to exchange vows in multiple languages, drawing family members into the ceremony in unique and loving ways. Another option is to have a poem or reading spoken in both languages. In cases where some guests speak no English, couples might consider providing a full translation of the text, given to guests prior to the ceremony. This allows them to follow the wedding proceedings with ease. And in one case, I have even partnered with a family member who translates the entire ceremony as it progresses, with a paragraph spoken in English followed be a repeat in the foreign language. This approach not only helps personalize the ceremony, but it engages all in attendance in a culturally relevant way.

Tying the Knot

2010-05-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Couples are always looking for new ideas relating to unity rituals. A traditional favorite, of course, is the unity candle. A new-fangled twist on this is the sand ceremony. A less familiar ritual is “hand fasting.” Like the other ceremonial elements, it is a terrific opportunity to incorporate family members or honored guests into the ceremony.

A simple exercise, hand fasting can be done anywhere, so it well-suited for outdoor weddings where other options may be cumbersome. Hand fasting can be interpreted many ways, to reflect the tastes of the couple. I encourage couples to create their own ties for the wedding, as a keepsake of the day. Wide, and sometimes elaborate ribbons (usually two to three yards long), can be used for this part of the ceremony. The bride and groom may wish to coordinate the ribbons, which are usually combined or braided, with their wedding colors. Small mementos,charms and other decorations can be fashioned on the cords.

Hand fasting lends itself to wonderful prose about tying the knot, the strength of love, and so one. Here is the introduction I used in a recent wedding.

“The hand fasting ritual symbolizes the joining of a man and woman in marriage and the strength of their partnership. As this knot is tied, so are your lives now bound. Woven into this cord, imbued into its very fibers, are all the hopes of your friends and family, and of yourselves, for your new life together. With the fashioning of this knot do we tie all the desires, dreams, love, and happiness wished here in this place to your lives for as long as love shall last. As your hands are bound by this cord, so is your partnership held by the symbol of this knot. Two entwined in love, bound by commitment and fear, sadness and joy, by hardship and victory, anger and reconciliation, all of which brings strength to this union. Hold tight to one another through both good times and bad, and watch as your strength grows.”

The particular wording and choreography with a loved (or loved ones) can be customized by each couple--part of the fun of planning the wedding. But this is always a creative and unusual expression of the bonds of matrimony.

With this Ring...

2010-05-02T19:59:00.001-07:00

In big ways and small, Celebrants embrace the chance to personalize weddings. In “typical” weddings, the ring exchange is generally viewed as a minor coda to the verbal vows. Not so with a Celebrant! First, the ring exchange sets the stage to talk about the symbolism of the object—the ring’s precious metal represents the strength and rarity of true love. Its round shape connotes the infinite nature of love, without a beginning and an end. Moreover, since the ancient Egyptians, the belief is that the vein in the ring finger of the left hand is most directly connected to the heart, hence, its selection as the finger for the placement of the wedding band.

Rings say to the world, “I love,” and “I am loved.” Often, there is special meaning attached to the design or stones in a wedding setting. Lucky brides may have stones or rings that have belonged to cherish a loved one. Or, perhaps, a ring has been individually designed to represent some aspect of the couple’s personality or romantic story. An Irish couple, for example, may choose the traditional Claddagh ring to proclaim their Celtic heritage. And colored stones, now commonplace in engagement rings and wedding bands, have special meanings attached. Last summer, the ring of one of my brides held precious sapphires belonging to the groom’s mother. This gemstone is historically seen as an emblem of heaven, virtue, truth, constancy, and contemplation. The Ruby, another popular wedding gemstone, is associated with nobility, love, contentment, enthusiasm and strength. Rubies are thought to open the heart and promote love and joy in those who wear it.

Noting the specific characteristics of the ring can be complemented by inviting the guests to "bless the rings." In small weddings, the rings may be passed person-to-person before the wedding. Each family member or friend is asked to make a special wish on behalf of the couple’s future happiness.

Remarks about the sentiment and design of rings can be a subtle, artistic thread woven into a personalized ceremony, hardly an afterthought of the exchange of vows.

Memories to Last a Lifetime

2010-05-02T19:55:00.000-07:00

After spending much time and great care in planning a wedding, couples want to remember their special day in vivid detail. Indeed, many brides and grooms consider the selection of a photographer and videographer, the traditional chroniclers of the day, to be among the most important decisions in organizing a wedding. I have recently come upon another idea that will provide rich recollections of the wedding day....a "Memory Box."

Celebrants enjoy finding creative opportunities to draw guests into a celebration, as well as fashioning ways to remind our clients of their special occasions, and the Memory Box does just that. The tradition goes something like this: a beautifully crafted box, perhaps a family heirloom, can become one focal point of the ceremony by designating it to serve as something of a time capsule. Guests are encouraged to bring special letters and good wishes for the couple, that can be placed in this sweet archive. Likewise, I encourage brides and grooms to write letters to the other and to consider adding a fine bottle of wine and mementos of the wedding day, to be re-discovered on the first anniversary. What could be better, as part of a one-year anniversary celebration than to read the blessings of loved ones at the time of the wedding. Likewise, for the bride and groom to read the wedding day hopes, wishes, and gratitude of their beloved would be the best anniversary I can think of!

Good Wishes from Afar

2010-05-02T19:38:00.000-07:00

I work with couples from all over the world. In many instances, loved ones aren't able to attend the special day. When there are important people absent from the ceremony, I like to encourage them to invite "missing" guests to write a short note of greetings and good wishes. These letter of love can be read verbatim or woven throughout the ceremony.

A couple of months ago, I married a delightful couple--an American born bride and her dashing Irish husband. A number of people from Belfast, Northern Ireland, his home, could not join the celebration. So, I was able to read sweet notes of encouragement and joy from the groom's father, brother, and a number of close friends. The couple, and all those attending the wedding, felt enveloped in the blessings sent from across the Atlantic.

Community Vow of Support

2010-05-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

Many couples are looking for interesting and meaningful ways to draw guests into the ceremony. An easy and effective element to meet this desire is a "Community Vow of Support." This element generally follows the exchange of vows between the bride and grooms and the exchange of rings. It is a short statement, read by the Celebrant, in which family and friends agree to support the new marriage. Consider this example:

"Now, that you, beloved friends and family of the couple (names), have heard them recite their vows, do you promise, from this day forward, to encourage them and love them, to give them your guidance, and to support them in being steadfast in the promises that they have made?"

Guests: We Do!

A Special Way to Recognize Blended Families

2010-05-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

These days, "non-traditional" families seem to be the norm. Many couples wish to combine their own wedding with a public declaration of their new blended family. A ceremony idea with fantastic impact is a vow exchange between the elders and the children. One family that I recently worked with exchanged the following vows:

The groom recited the following to the bride's children:

"(children), I want you to know that I dearly love your Mother. We have become very good friends, and we have learned to love each other. As you have so graciously shared this wonderful woman with me. so will I share the love I feel for her with you. Together, we will learn more about each other. I promise also to be fair and to be honest, to be available for you as I am for your mom, and to earn your love, respect and true friendship. I will not attempt to replace anyone, but to make a place in your hearts that is for me alone. I will be father and friend, and I will cherish my life with all of you. One this day, when I marry your Mom, I promise to love and support you as my own."

The bride recited the same vow to the groom's children.

In response, the Children were posed with their own set of vows, read by the Celebrant. (The groom's children were asked on behalf of the bride, and the bride's children were asked on behalf of the groom.)

"(Children), do you promise to love your mother and her new husband?" I do.

"(Children), do you promise to support their marriage and your new family?" I do.

"(Children), Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children, and to encourage them, support them, and accept them?" I do.

This proved to be a very moving part of the ceremony and a clear statement of the blending of these two families.